Forgive me , for I have sinned
by Zerovk
Summary: They say some wounds never heal and some losses could never be forgotten ( short story ) Detectives AU
1. Chapter 1

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They say some wounds never heal and some losses could never be gotten over .

Have you ever experienced a scar so deep the pain of which time could not alleviate ?

I have .

I have also learned that it never gets better . You reach a point where it starts healing , slowly , painfully so , until it stops midway and makes no further progress but at least it gives you an air of normalcy , not enough to be genuinely happy most of the time , just to be able to go back to your daily life .

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What could possibly be better than jamming to your favorite song after a long day full of boring lectures ?

Nothing , right ?

Kaname thinks to himself as he moves his head in waves and twists the keys to open the front door , enjoying his brilliant playlist for one more minute before he takes the earphones off and proceeds announcing his return .

" I'm home . "

He doesn't get a response right away but that's okay so he goes further into the house , heading to his father's office , stopping by a certain room to admire his most prized possession , a grand piano . He keeps staring at it for a while before he's satisfied .

When he reaches his destination , he knocks one time before swaying the door open and smiling , but it all changes when his eyes land on the floor .

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	2. Chapter 2

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Kaname stood still for a split second , rooted to his spot , before he rushed inside the room and dropped to the floor , reaching out and grabbing his father's face , shaking it , trying to get a response from him and panicking when a grave silence greeted his ears .

" Father ! "

He'd called once , twice .

It didn't work .

Covered in a sheen of cold sweat , Kaname felt the temperature of the room dropping and a surge of panic taking over his system the more he stared at his father's motionless figure , dried blood stains covering most of his face under one eyebrow .

He felt his own blood rush to his head at that , just then realizing the lump forming in his throat . He couldn't breathe ! His vision dimmed but he willed himself to check something he feared , a pulse .

Despite his prayers , burning moisture gathered in his eyes a second later .

God ! No .

It was so faint , almost nonexistent .

Or maybe he was imagining it . He must be too nervous to focus on anything after all , right ?

Help . He needed help !

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With shaking fingers , he'd ended up calling the paramedics and the police , just in case , expecting to be told his father passed out as a result of exhaustion and got injured in the process .

He'd never expected his father's office would turn into a crime scene , much less have someone who clearly didn't understand anything in their job shake his head and say there was no pulse .

When he was about to disapprove , Forensics rushed in , exchanging observations and confirming his father's death .

And yet he still couldn't believe or comprehend it . His father was going to wake up soon and prove those idiots wrong .

In denial , he'd forced them to wait for a while , positive of his theory . Though his faith began dwindling as time ticked by without anything changing . It felt like a century had passed but it was only 10 minutes before they gave him pitying looks that he couldn't stand .

Minutes later , someone approached him and apologized while others started moving his father's body from the floor , leaving nothing but glaring chalk outline in its wake .

He could hear them talking in a low voice , out of sympathy , wondering how the burial procedures would get carried out , expressing sorrow over the man's relatives and the impact of such a loss on them .

Kaname's expression spoke volumes of shock but it lacked any prominent sign of anguish for he was stuck , imagining a tragedy but not actually living it .

That was until a thud broke into the silence , snatching him away from where he watched like an outsider , drawing his attention and making him turn to the left , only to face a sight he was not yet prepared for .

She dropped to the floor , eyes widened in shock that mirrored his own , lips parted and eyebrows knitted in a thousand different emotion .

A cloak of silence befell the atmosphere , broken only by the heart wrenching outcry his younger sister let out .

Something inside him snapped and before he knew it , the truth , the gravity of the situation crashed on his shoulders like dead weight that he didn't know how to handle so he too crumbled and broke down .

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After what seemed like an hour , the number of people staying in the office got reduced , leaving only Kaname and a single detective present .

Yuki had accompanied their uncle to the police station , as instructed by the officers . An elder had to attend the whole process . Further examination of the body was needed to confirm the cause of death and after that , someone has to decide whether or not Haruka Kuran would be buried within 24 hours , as the procedures regarding the funeral home depend on that .

At least , that's what Kaname had gathered , what seeped through the mess that was his mind .

" Now that the crowd has dissipated , how about we start our investigation ? "

The voice had been soft and carried waves of patience , understanding , as if the owner could relate to his pain and wanted to take it slowly .

But Kaname couldn't care about that nor did he appreciate it . The only reason he noticed that much despite everything happening around him had one plausible explanation - an urgent need to escape reality - . He'd wanted to latch his focus to anything foreign , anything that could take his mind away from this nightmare forcing itself on him with all its might . He'd wanted a distraction . Alas , he was looking for it in the wrong place .

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A month dragged a month and yet nothing changed . The investigation returned nothing and the case had to be closed until a new evidence presented itself . Unfortunately , there was no telling when or if it would happen .

It might sound odd to some of you , early even , but Kaname lost hope . Sometimes , he wondered ' how could he ? ' and others , he found a part of him asking ' how could he not ? '

His father's death proved to be a riddle that nobody could solve until this day .

His father's death .. He could still remember it all in every painful detail , as if it had happened a few moments ago.

It's hard to forget something when you keep going to the very place associated with it .

He'd tried to lock that room and get rid of the keys many times now but it seems futile at this point .

Not even the knowledge of inevitable pain accompanying his actions had the power to discourage him from going to the room and staying in it until he no longer could .

That's where his father spent most of his day . It was meant to be special , a safe haven .

It was meant to stay that way .

Kaname had tried to keep such a feeling hovering in the air , so he too started a habit of spending the day in a place surrounded by traces of his father , trying to disregard anything else and failing .

There's nothing he wouldn't pay to forget it ever happened .

Grievously , he had no way of stopping it , this unimaginable hurt slicing every part of him open .

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seated on the chair and giving his back to the door , kaname faced the painting mounted on the wall behind the office table .

It was a family picture that his cousin , Senri , had worked on for so long . Kaname didn't know about it until his cousin showed up one Christmas and gave them a huge gift wrapped in vibrant red and gold , the finished version of the portrait .

That was a long time ago , right before Kaname's mother passed away .

And now .. now his father has joined her .

It had been physically painful staring at the picture all those years and having a constant reminder of how incomplete their life had become but now that he lost both of his parents , it has gotten unbearable , much the same as everything else .

He was only 15 when their mother took her last breath and Yuki was 11 .

Despite his own grief , their

father had tried to fill the void of that Loss and so far , he was succeeding , almost done stitching pieces of broken childhood , only to have life trample on it all , like his efforts meant absolutely nothing .

Without knowing when , Kaname stood up in a daze , abandoning the chair and reaching a hesitant hand toward the painting , taking in every single stroke and lightly running his fingers over it , eventually meeting a rough texture at the bottom .

Wait .. He could swear it wasn't there before .

When realisation finally dawned on him , he spun around and darted wide eyes all over the table , searching for his phone and hastily snatching it away , wasting no time to unlock it and go through his contacts .

His fingers rested a mere inch away from dialing a certain number .

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 **A/n** :

This update should have been posted earlier as I should have started working on it earlier but some misfortunate events took place . I caught a cold around 6th December and it got worse the following Saturday , something I had feared . The cold aggravated my sensitive chest and by night I could barely breathe . I went to hospital , took three oxygen sessions , and bought an inhaler disc . It was tough but I got better after a while . The following Monday I went to a specialist who prescribed another inhaler that I was familiar with since I had used it last year when a much more intense crisis hit me .

If you can stay in a place without fearing dust , smoke , heavy fragrance ..etc , then please be grateful because some of us can't .

Appreciate everything you have , no matter how small it might seem in your eyes .

On a lighter note , I tried google voice to get some of this chapter written lol

Any ways , I hope it was an enjoyable read .

Sends Hugs & kisses

Have a good day !

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	3. Chapter 3

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That , no , those scratches weren't there before . Kaname could swear .

The more he squinted his eyes the more he confirmed it , those random claw-like marks surrounding his father in the painting , as if to purposely separate him from them , were definitely not there before . Senri would never gift someone a faulty sketch .

This changes everything ! Such a sight literally shelters a message within .

His father was murdered , he could no longer deny that possibility .

Reaching a new high , Adrenaline moved Kaname into action , taking mastery of his body and urging him forward . He spun around , faced the office table , and darted his eyes all over it , searching for his phone and , taking much more time than he should have to locate it , an impact of the shocking discovery . when he did find it though , he snatched it away and went through the contacts list in haste , finger hovering a mere inch away from dialling a certain number . That's when he paused , considering it .

What if they write it off as a natural effect of time corroding the family portrait ?

No .. Kaname shook his head , arguing with himself . The marks speak for themselves . They are too deeply engraved in to be considered a natural occurrence .

With a final gulp , he made his decision and waited for the call to connect , chest heaving and heart beating so loud it nearly hurt . All of the anticipation he felt in that moment vanished , however , when he got redirected to voice message .

Seconds raced and all too soon it was time for him to record . But he chose not to and sighed before lowering the phone and dropping on the chair , hands limp and head dangling over the headrest as he dragged his eyes heavily , gazing at the ceiling in slow broken pieces and finally landing back on the picture , again .Only that time his focus had shifted to his sister. The smile she had on truly portrayed her age back then .. A stark contrast from Yuki now . She wasn't in front of him but he needn't see her face to know what she must be feeling and going through . Even away , sleeping over with her friend , Kaname understood her enough to tell .

Staying away from home should serve to take her mind off their tragedy , if only a little . But it would never lessen the anguish of their father passing away . Kaname knew that much but he still preferred to give himself and her some time alone to sort it out , to find a way and live with the fact it was not a nightmare but the truth they could never change no matter how much they wanted to . Kaname couldn't have her near and risk involving her in his own methods . His way of coping wasn't a healthy one after all .

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He woke up startled , the sound of the doorbell jolting him back into awareness , swiftly collecting him from the dark .

Now sitting in a proper upright position, Kaname took a few more seconds to regain his composure and stood up , abandoning the chair and heading to the entrance .

A glance at the intercom screen had him brightening up a bit . He didn't really expect him to show up just because of a missed call . Kaname guessed many hours must have passed since he last dozed off .

His grip on time was accurate , more often than not . True enough , as he touched the screen once to open the door and confirmed it by a second touch , a gust of wind greeted his senses , fluttering brunette locks in a soothing caress . Behind the darkened trees , a beautiful pearl shone brightly . But oh was it lifeless , meaningless even , to admire without someone dear by his side .

Inhaling much needed fresh air , Kaname stood on the far end of the hallway , distant , waiting for his visitor to come inside .

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After a few minutes of settling in the office , Kaname wasted no time going straight to the reason why he'd called the elder in the first place .

By the time he finished explaining everything , the wait stretched from being relatively bearable to the exact opposite . Kaname wasn't aware of it but his breathing has been irregular the moment he mentioned his earlier observation . When he was done talking , almost unconsciously his gaze went back to the portrait , expectant and waiting for the other male to agree with him .

However , Kiryuu-san took a deep breath and fixed his tie in a manner that didn't sit well with Kaname .

" You do remember what I said the last time we met , right ? "

With a blink , Kaname nodded and further supported the action with a verbal proof " The police couldn't reach a clear conclusion so as to what caused my father's death , seeing as how there was no evidence of it being a homicide or a suicide , or even an accident . "

Where the conversation was going did not appeal to him in the very least .

" And why do you think this changes anything ? "

Last nerve ticked , Kaname snapped , hating both the elder's nonchalant demeanor and the fact he made less of such a matter despite how significant and crucial it was to the case .

" I'm telling you it has never been there ! Someone did it and with a considerable amount of anger too . "

Now staring at the younger from a seated position , Zero remained calm , merely waiting for Kaname to do the same and sit down so they could have a civil conversation , one with less emotions and more logical thinking taking dominance of the flow . When that didn't happen though , he let out a defeated sigh , one that made Kaname feel like a child that an adult couldn't reason with . Needless to say , it only ever worked to aggravate him more .

Zero supposed there was no choice . Might as well talk in length about it . If Kuran didn't want to sit , well , he wasn't going to tire himself out convincing him otherwise .

" That might be true , Kuran . Someone might have been there with your father that day but there's no way for us to know if they committed that crime or not . Let me refresh your memory . There was no sign of anyone breaking into the house . whoever it was , they couldn't have gotten inside without your father knowing about it . Inspection of valuable items eliminated a theft so far but you never know what could be stolen unless you know it exists . In other words , your father might have had something precious that you have no knowledge of . Either ways , if there really was a burglar involved in this case , it doesn't necessarily mean they killed your father , some people resort to threatening . Of course , It being a suicide still stands but you harshly disagree with that theory . "

A deep frown pulled at Kaname's features as he listened , finding a million reason to disagree with Kiryuu but earning no chance to voice any of which . Zero beat him to it , exerting virtually no effort to lead them back to a dead end .

" Even if that damage was done on purpose by the criminal , it's of no use . In all verity , it pretty much makes no difference . "

Livid would be a massive understatement . Kaname's blood burned in his veins as he took a step back in disbelief , anger driving his eyes wide . Before he knew it , he cursed .

" Bullshit ! You said the moment a new evidence makes itself known , the case would be investigated again . "

" This doesn't count as one , Kuran . " How Kiryuu answered so simply pissed him off beyond limit . Kaname was done being respectful . He didn't care anymore if he spoke poorly to the police officer . Ranks and Law enforcement be damned .

" It fucking does ! I'm telling you it's a murder ! " With a slam on the table accompanying his words to accentuate his rage , Kaname failed to see past his growing distress and riddling confusion .

 _Unforgivable !_

 _Selfish bastards . All of them !_

It must be too troublesome for them to focus on older cases , especially tricky ones , right ?

He couldn't get how someone could be so cruel to turn a blind eye to what's literally in front of their eyes , and in doing so , turning his father's death into a cold case .

" You don't seem to understand . This makes it highly possible your father was killed but what it does tell us ? what clues does it give us to catch the culprit ? " Zero finally said it , in the language that Kaname best understood .

No matter how belated , the fog cleared out and realization caught up with it soon , creeping its way to Kaname's rationale , bit by bit , introducing him to new shades of grief .

Zero couldn't help feeling bad for the younger , so he paused before answering the question himself .

" Nothing . "

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 **A/N :**

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1634 words

updated 13 march , 2019 .

Xoxo Zerovk ( Noel-chan )

Hey there , I hope you guys enjoyed this update !

I would like to thank you so much for whatever support you give me every time I update .

Thank you for being there #^.^#

Approximately one long or two medium chapters are left so you better stay tuned ! The ride is coming to an end soon ! But worry not , if you happen to be a loyal reader , I have tons more ongoing fics , in addition to new stories left in store for you to enjoy !

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Jaa ne , mata ashita ! * Imitates Kinomoto Sakura *

( Pardon me , I'm watching cardcaptor sakura now and feel like it )

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